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What’s the deal with bailing on New York?
That now-infamous “NYC Is Dead Forever” blog post written by former hedge-fund manager (and onetime MarketWatch columnist) James Altucher has been a talker since it hit last week. It lamented that the City That Never Sleeps has slipped into a coronavirus coma from which it may never wake up again.
“I know a lot of people who went to Maine, Vermont, Tennessee, upstate, Indiana, etc. Back to live with their parents or live with friends or live cheaper,” he wrote. “They are gone, and gone for good.”
Well, Jerry Seinfeld has three words to say to that: “Oh, shut up.”
The iconic comedian and titular NBC CMCSA, +1.20% sitcom star hit back in a New York Times column on Monday entitled, “So You Think New York Is ‘Dead?’ (It’s not.)”
Seinfeld — who notes he has performed in Altucher’s upper West Side comedy club Stand Up N.Y. — recalls moving to the city in the summer of 1976, when the streets were “covered in dog crap” and his car was almost immediately towed. “I still thought, ‘This is the greatest place I’ve ever been in my life,’” he wrote. And that sentiment hasn’t changed, even as Broadway theaters and many restaurants have closed, and numerous midtown office buildings remain empty, in the wake of the COVID-19 outbreak.
Read more:New York City is ‘dead forever,’ according to this proud New Yorker
And the standup comic won’t stand for “some putz on LinkedIn,” as he referred to Altucher, “wailing and whimpering, ‘Everyone’s gone! I want 2019 back!’”
“ “Wipe your tears, wipe your butt and pull it together.” ”
Seinfeld questioned the argument that “everyone’s gone for good” from New York City, or that people prefer doing everything remotely, versus in person.
“Energy, attitude and personality cannot be ‘remoted’ through even the best fiber optic lines. That’s the whole reason many of us moved to New York in the first place,” Seinfeld wrote, noting that even Silicon Valley tech giants largely live and work in the same hub.
“Real, live, inspiring human energy exists when we coagulate together in crazy places like New York City,” Seinfeld said. “Feeling sorry for yourself because you can’t go to the theater for a while is not the essential element of character that made New York the brilliant diamond of activity it will one day be again.”
Seinfeld also took a few digs at the places Altucher said people are fleeing to. “You found a place in Florida? Fine. We know the sharp focus and restless, resilient creative spirit that Florida is all about,” he wrote.
As for Maine, Vermont, Tennessee, Indiana: “I have been to all of these places many, many, many times over many decades,” Seinfeld said. “And with all due respect and affection, Are .. You .. Kidding .. Me?!”
“ “This stupid virus will give up eventually. The same way you have.” ”
Seinfeld ended his argument by celebrating places like New York, Rome, London and Tokyo for abiding, for changing, for mutating, for reforming and for adapting with the times. And that stems from “all the real, tough New Yorkers who, unlike you, loved it and understood it, stayed and rebuilt it,” he said.
But as for Altucher? “You will not bounce back,” Seinfeld said. “In your enervated, pastel-filled new life in Florida. I hope you have a long, healthy run down there. I can’t think of a more fitting retribution for your fine article.”
“See you at the club,” he wrote in one last parting shot.
